“Buckle up... and throw everything you think you know out the window.”
That was a reply to my question, “What’s one piece of advice you wish someone had given you when your child became a teenager?” I love it!
As I’ve said before, as our kids grow and change, we need to grow and change as parents. What worked with a child of five or nine no longer applies when they reach the teen years. All those tried-and-true methods? Out the window!
Adolescence is a unique ride, one that demands we buckle up and prepare for a new approach to parenting. What’s needed now is a shift in how we see ourselves as parents and in how we approach our evolving children.
For years, we’ve played the roles of teacher and protector, helping to shape their world and make decisions for them. But now, our role must evolve into something different: a guide and a trusted confidante.
It’s an uncomfortable shift for many of us, but necessary. Our time as the ultimate authority figure with absolute power over our kids’ lives is over.
*NOTE: This doesn’t mean we give in, give up, and let chaos reign. Far from it. There’s something called boundaries, and they’re more important than ever during the teen years. (We’ll get to that in another post.)
What this shift really means is coming to accept that our teenagers’ actions are now their own. As much as we may want to, we can’t control them. And that’s hard for a lot of us to accept.
Even though trying to control mostly doesn’t work (and has negative repercussions), it gives the illusion of control. We’re doing something, so we don’t feel so powerless.
It’s natural to want to protect them from mistakes, but part of our new role is allowing them to experience the consequences of their actions — both the good and the bad.
So, buckle up, because the teenage years are a whole new ride. It’s the difference between driving a safe, solid, and reliable minivan and an Indie 500 racecar. The speed and curves can be scary and unpredictable.
Parenting a teen is not about holding on to control, but about guiding, advising, and standing strong in your boundaries while giving them the room they need to grow.
P.S. I’ve opened 5 spots for a Complimentary Parent Support Call in December. Click here to schedule yours. Have your influence and impact asap. Book your call now.
P.S. For more resources on parenting your teen with more joy, CLICK HERE to join our private FB group for moms.
Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.
Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.
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