On an early morning walk, I saw my shadow stretching and shifting on the pavement. As the sun rose higher in the sky, the shape and size of my shadow transformed.
This dance between light and shadow is a powerful metaphor for how external influences shape our attitudes and reactions. Just as my shadow changes with the position of the sun, we too are constantly molded by the people and situations in our lives.
The Dance of Light and Shadow
The sun, an external force, determines the appearance of our shadows. When the sun is low, our shadows are long and exaggerated. As it climbs higher, our shadows shorten and become more defined.
This natural phenomenon mirrors our human experience. Our moods, behaviors, and perspectives are influenced by the external "suns" in our lives—family, friends, work, social media, and the many situations we encounter daily.
Just as the sun’s position affects our shadow's length and definition, the people and circumstances in our lives stretch or shorten our metaphorical shadows.
A positive influence can illuminate our strengths, while negative influences can distort how we see ourselves. Understanding this helps us navigate our reactions and attitudes more easily.
Shadows in Everyday Life
Consider the influence of a supportive friend. Much like the morning sun gently stretching your shadow, a kind word or a listening ear can change your perspective, giving you the courage to face challenges with strength you didn’t know you had.
Conversely, harsh criticism or negativity from others can cast a long, intimidating shadow, making obstacles seem insurmountable.
Think about how different environments affect how you react and respond to life. In a nurturing home, you might feel like the sun is at its peak: your shadow is short and your sense of self is strong.
In contrast, a stressful work situation might feel like the sun setting, casting long, unsettling shadows that bring self-doubt and anxiety to the surface.
Parenting Teens: Navigating External Influences
As a parent coach, I see this dynamic play out in the lives of parents and their teens. Adolescents are particularly susceptible to outside influences. Peer pressure, academic expectations, and social media can all act as "suns" that alter their behavior and how they perceive themselves.
For example, a teen who excels in a supportive academic environment may see their shadow as a reflection of their potential and worth. However, the same teen might feel overwhelmed by the pressure to conform to standards they see on social media.
Unfortunately, it usually leads to a distorted self-image. Likes and comments on their posts can feel like the sun rising or setting, influencing their mood and self-worth.
Embracing and Understanding the Shadow
To help our teens—and ourselves—navigate these shifting shadows, first recognize the power of these outside influences. Encourage open conversations about their sources and impact. Help your teen identify positive "suns" that nurture their growth and resilience.
Have a conversation (without it turning into a lecture) about the importance of choosing friends who uplift, and environments that foster positivity.
This teaches them that they have the power, the choice, to seek positive influences and manage negative ones.
Talk about your experiences at work or with friends. Share how you've learned to work with and through both supportive and challenging relationships.
Practical Steps for Managing External Influences
Model Self-Awareness: Acknowledge your own shadows. Share how different situations and people affect your attitudes and reactions. In other words, share your struggles. By doing so, you teach your teen that it's normal for people and situations to make you question yourself.
Self-Reflection: Regularly take time to reflect on your experiences and the people who influence you. Journaling can help you explore and organize your thoughts.
Positive Environments: Actively seek out environments and relationships that support your well-being. This might mean joining a supportive community group or spending more time with uplifting friends.
Mindfulness Practices: Engage in mindfulness practices such as meditation or deep breathing exercises. These can help center your thoughts and reduce the impact of negative people and situations.
Open Communication: Practice open communication with your teens. Encourage them to share their feelings about the influences in their lives (and be sure you’re open with them about yours). In time, you can work together to find solutions to their dilemmas.
Our shadows change with the position of the sun and remind us that we, too, are constantly evolving. When we understand and accept this, we’re better able to manage our reactions and attitudes.
As parents, guiding our teens through their shifting shadows empowers them to face the world with confidence and resilience, no matter what unexpected influences come their way.
P.S. For more resources on parenting your teen with more joy, CLICK HERE to join our private FB group for moms.
Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.
Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.
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