Family Gatherings + Holiday Harmony Tips: A Season to Cherish by Lisa Barrows, Psy.D. and Brian Amorello, Ph.D.

Updated: Dec 20, 2024

Family gathered at a festive table. Woman serves pie, surrounded by smiling elders and children. Warm lights and decorations fill the room.

The holiday season is upon us, and with it comes the opportunity to create lasting memories with loved ones. Holiday harmony is in the air, and we’re excited to share some wonderful tips for making this time of year even more joyful and peaceful.

Whether it's finding moments of connection, embracing tradition, or simply being present, we hope these ideas inspire you to create a season filled with love and laughter.

Let’s come together and make this holiday one to truly cherish!

Go Into Family Gatherings With an Open Mindset

Things don’t always turn out how we think. How we approach most situations has a direct impact on how we interact with others. Head to your family gathering thinking positively, and consider how conversations and opinions might be well heard and received. You never know what work your difficult family member might have done in an effort to enhance relationships.

Be Curious

Be curious about what other family members have to say. Even if we don’t agree, we have to assume that they have an alternative opinion than we do for a reason. Perhaps ask for a few reasons why. You might actually understand the perspective even better!

Be Grateful to the Host

Show gratitude by being the best version of yourself at the party. Having strong opinions during a family gathering can cause the event to go sour. Know when to limit what you want to say because it’s not seemingly going anywhere.

It’s OK to Take Space

There’s nothing wrong with saying to a family member 'I am going to get some air', or 'I’m going to go help the host base the turkey'. Asking for space might be a good way for everyone to regulate during a tough talk!

Remember Those We Lost

The holidays can be a tough time for many due to the loss of a loved one or a furry friend. Acknowledge the widows or widowers in the room by checking in, and knowing you probably can’t say much to take their pain away. Sometimes, a simple 'Is there anything I can do to help?' can go a long way.

Control Your Budget

There’s a lot of obligatory spending around the holidays and we want to make good impressions. A thoughtful card that’s personal can go long way. Pairing it with something simple like candles, tea, some homemade food or a favorite book you’ve enjoyed, are all lovely gifts that can keep you within your budget.

Consume Mindfully

Mindfulness has some basic components: observe, describe, nonjudgmentally, non-reactively. It’s easy to go overboard with eating and drinking during the holidays, especially to curb feelings of loneliness. Before reaching for another plate or glass, pause and ask yourself, 'Why am I reaching for this?' Observe and describe what you are feeling without judgment. 'Do I really need more food or another drink? Consider a healthy alternative (go ahead and eat all the veggies you want!) but limit the high-calorie ones, including the liquid calories.

Dr. Lisa Barrows is a psychologist at Lukin Center for Psychotherapy, specializing in treating couples, families, individuals, and parents through relational dynamics and life transitions.

As a therapist, Dr. Barrows takes an integrative approach with compassion and collaboration. Her methodologies include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), emotionally focused therapy (EFT), internal family systems (IFS) and interactive approaches. She helps her clients overcome setbacks through practical, attachment based reorientation.

Dr. Brian Amorello is a licensed psychologist at Lukin Center for Psychotherapy, specializing in depression, anxiety, grief and loss, relationship issues, gender and sexual identity concerns, and adjustment disorders. Dr. Amorello takes a compassionate, client -centered approach to therapy, helping people establish their own goals for treatment. He helps them take control of who they wish to become and empowers them to make themselves the most important person in their own lives. Dr. Amorello believes that a safe and honest environment is the key to creating change for his clients.