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Parenting Tips: To Poke the Bear or Not - Insights by Fern Weis, Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Updated: 15 hours ago


Two women sit on a blue sofa. One comforts the other, who hugs a yellow pillow, looking sad. Room has blue walls and plants. Bergen County Moms.

I didn’t want to poke the bear, to make waves, to be in conflict.


So, I avoided confronting my teen (and pretty much everyone). And in doing so, I made everything worse.


It’s a concept called Harmony Over Truth. The thing is that I didn’t have harmony; I had anxiety.

 

My child had anxiety, too, because I didn’t provide what he really needed from me: a mother who acted with the courage to provide what was truly better for him, to move through my fear.


I was the opposite of a leader. So many bears in my life, and I just wanted them to go away. 


Problems don't go away because you ignore them. They fester and get bigger and become huge bears.


Fast forward, past interventions, parenting programs, therapy and coaching.


Do I welcome conflict now? Not exactly. 


But I know that helping truth to emerge is better for everyone.


  • I learned courage – to feel fear and do the scary thing anyway.

  • I learned about boundaries – to protect me and to quietly and respectfully transfer responsibility to my children.

  • I learned to communicate better – to speak with little to no emotion, when necessary, in a way they could hear and accept.

  • I learned to focus on bringing out the best in my children, instead of trying to prevent the worst.


No sugar-coating, it’s been a long and difficult road. And there are still bears.


Only now I know better and do better.


And when I need help, I ask for it pretty quickly.


How about you? When do you hide to avoid conflict and truth?


It's time to stop waiting for your children to 'step up'. It's your turn


Your turn to be the leader. 



The best time to do this is now. Your power is in this very moment.


I want your journey to take a fraction of the time mine did.


If you say you'd do anything for your kids, do this. Your kids are waiting for you to step up. A brighter future begins HERE.





Fern Weis is a Parent Coach and Family Recovery Coach, Bergen County Moms
Fern Weis | Parent + Family Recovery Coach

Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.


Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.






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