Getting our kids to open up seems like an impossible goal. We're met with one-word answers, grunts, eye-rolling or outright annoyance.
What's the Problem?
Picture this: your teen comes to you with a problem and you, with all your experience, know just how to solve it. So, you give her the benefit of your experience and knowledge, and her eyes start to glaze over.
She’s drifting away and you wonder, why doesn't she appreciate it? Why isn't she taking notes?!
The truth is that she may not want you to fix it for her. She may need something else entirely.
The Solution:
Stop. Take a breath. Think. Maybe she doesn't want you to fix it for her. Maybe she wants to figure it out herself.
Or maybe she just wants a chance to vent about how frustrated, embarrassed, or overwhelmed she is. You won't know what she needs until you stop talking and start listening.
I know how difficult it is for you to see your child hurting or unhappy. Every parent who has ever lived has felt this way.
But if you make this about you and keep talking, you will surely turn your child AWAY from you.
You become another voice telling her what to do instead of being a safe place to express herself freely.
Sometimes all they need is your quiet, attentive presence. Talk less. Listen more. This simple act of listening can be the most powerful support you can offer.
The Obstacle to Progress:
So now you have the solution which is to say less and listen more. And there’s another problem.
The solution sounds great; however, as simple as it sounds, it’s not easy. How do you keep your mouth shut when you have so much to say?
I learned from personal experience that knowing the better thing to do is easy. It’s just about acquiring information.
Implementation is another thing altogether. I had to work through my deep-seated fears and needs: to be heard, to be right, to control, to prevent catastrophe. To remember that my way isn’t always the best way for my children, regardless of my experience and learning.
In the beginning, asking for help was difficult. It meant admitting being powerless and feeling incompetent.
However, there came a time when I couldn’t avoid it. I had to find the humility to ask for help, because it would help my child, who had big challenges of their own.
The Solution to Problem #2 – Listen Up!
How long is it okay to wait? Days, months, years maybe? The best time to do something about your relationship with your teen is now.
I believe that the anticipation of taking that first step is far worse than taking the action.
I’m here to help you take the step that can begin to change everything; reaching out my hand and offering the time to make it happen.
I’ve opened four (4) complimentary Parent Discovery Calls this month. Here’s what we’ll do:
- uncover the real reason you’re struggling with your teen
- outline tools and strategies that work
- schedule a follow-up call to review your progress
Will you be one of the courageous four? Click here to apply for your complimentary session.
Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.
Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.
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