Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers is a classic personal development book. Its message is timeless: fear is a natural and inevitable part of life, but instead of trying to wipe it out, we need to recognize its presence and move forward.
The message can be incredibly empowering, especially in parenting, where fear often leads the way. Parenting isn’t just about dealing with your own fears and uncertainties; it’s intensified by the immense responsibility you feel for your child's well-being. That person you brought into the world has the uncanny ability to trigger every emotion you’ve got—especially fear.
What fears tend to hold you back as a parent? What keeps you from making and carrying out tough decisions, even when you know they’re necessary? When do you find yourself slipping into avoidance, ignoring your instincts because taking action feels impossibly hard?
Common Fears Parents Face
Here are some fears that held me back during my own parenting journey:
Fear of my child’s explosive reactions. I dreaded setting boundaries and enforcing rules because I anticipated anger or resistance. My child's intense reaction made me hesitate when I knew deep down that I needed to do something, something difficult.
Fear of uncovering uncomfortable truths. Sometimes, I avoided looking too closely at a situation because I knew that seeing the truth would require making difficult choices. It felt easier to ignore when faced with an overwhelming alternative.
Fear of not having the perfect solution. At times I felt paralyzed because I didn’t have a plan with a guarantee-able outcome. The idea of getting it wrong could stop me in my tracks. (What unreasonable expectations I had for myself.)
Fear that my actions wouldn’t make a difference. Self-doubt crept in frequently. I’d wonder if anything I did would really change the situation. It became an excuse for inaction.
Fear of not knowing how to reach my child. Communicating with a teen can feel like an uphill battle. The fear that I wouldn’t be able to connect or get through to my child often stopped me from trying.
Understanding and Overcoming Parental Fear
It’s important to realize that while fear can be intense, it's rarely rational. It can distort reality and keep you stuck, preventing you from doing what’s best for both you and your child.
The good news is that fear doesn’t have to immobilize you. Here’s how to begin shifting your perspective:
Acknowledge your fear. The first step is simply admitting that fear exists. It’s okay to feel scared. Recognizing it allows you to address it, rather than letting it drive your decisions.
Take small steps despite the fear. You don’t have to overcome fear entirely to take action. Start with small, manageable steps that move you closer to your goal. The act of doing something, even if it’s small, can begin to dissolve the fear. Remember that a tiny success is all it takes to get your confidence growing.
Focus on the long-term benefits. Parenting decisions are often hardest when we’re too focused on the immediate discomfort they cause. Remember the bigger picture and the values you want to instill in your child.
Trust your instincts. Even when fear is loud, your instincts as a parent are often truest. Don’t let the noise drown out your gut feelings; they often provide a clearer path forward than you realize.
Accept that perfection is a ridiculous and unattainable standard. Fear thrives on the illusion that you must have a perfect solution. Parenting is filled with trial and error. Look for the learning rather than being frozen by the need to get it 'right'.
Moving Forward
Parenting is inherently filled with uncertainty. You will make mistakes, encounter obstacles, and face moments of self-doubt. But just as Susan Jeffers encourages, feel the fear—and do it anyway. The courage to act despite fear is often what makes the difference in raising confident and resilient kids.
In the end, it’s not about eliminating fear but about learning to coexist with it. When you accept that fear is part of life and take action anyway, you model courage and perseverance for your child. You show them that it’s okay to be scared—and that it’s still possible to do what needs to be done.
P.S. For more resources on parenting your teen with confidence and calm, CLICK HERE to join our private FB group for moms.
Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.
Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.
Hozzászólások