Understanding someone’s feelings doesn’t mean you agree with them. You can also disagree AND be empathetic at the same time. Feels strange, doesn’t it?
I learned this while raising my kids. Sometimes I couldn’t understand why they felt the way they did; why it took so long for them to ‘snap out of it.’ (Which is kind of crazy, considering how long I could stay in a funk.)
In the end, the more I questioned or critiqued, the more they withdrew. My impatience was not helpful.
I was a quiet and sensitive child. Being told I was too sensitive didn’t help. It hurt, a lot. That’s what denying someone’s feelings sounds like. It’s the opposite of empathy.
The keys to staying connected to your kids are:
· to focus more on them as people
· to see them as more than their problems
· to listen more
· to feel compassion
· to let go of needing to be right
You can disagree and feel frustrated. You can acknowledge their feelings, too.
Opinions don’t matter with someone you love. The person matters.
P.S. More learning, resources, and a great community for moms in my private FB group - click here to join us!
Fern Weis is a certified life coach who learned that caring and good intentions are not enough in parenting. In fact, they are often the problem! Fern supports parents of teens and young adults who are going through difficult situations, including addiction recovery. She helps parents release guilt, end enabling and confidently prepare their children to thrive through life's challenges. Her articles are featured in Thrive Global, Medium, Motherly, The Teen Mentor, and Bergen County Moms.
Learn more about coaching and classes at www.fernweis.com. And then download your free guide, "Five Powerful Steps to Get Your Teen to Talk." For information on Family Recovery programs, visit www.familyrecoverypartners.com.
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